Saturday, January 3, 2009
I Feel Good
Yesterday, while I was walking on the beach along Lake Michigan, I talked to my sister Jenna on the phone.
She asked how I was doing and I said to her, "I feel good," giggling almost mischievously, like I was getting away with something I wasn't supposed to. She exclaimed, "Me too!" with the same girlish giggling. We laughed long and hard, because it still tickles us that we go through the same experiences at the same time like we do.
Jenna is not my biological sister, but rather my friend who I call my sister because the word "friend" just isn't adequate to describe the depth of our connection. She is a gorgeous, fair-skinned, curly red-haired, vibrant, joy-filled, passionate, fabulous woman who constantly amazes and inspires me. She is an actress and singer, a dancer and a bhakti yogini. She is deeply spiritual and wise beyond her 22 years, and she walks a parallel path to mine in the most synchronistic, cosmic, serendipitous way the Universe could have possibly dreamed up. We go through so many of the same things at the same time, with our families, our relationships with food, our internal processes, and many much more mundane things that serve to remind us, in no uncertain terms, that we are soul sisters.
So...why do I feel good?
Because of people like Jenna.
Because I have such amazing, loving, supportive friends and family.
Because I feel grateful to be alive.
Because I am amazed by God's incredible Grace, which carries me through life.
Because I feel grateful for the incredible abundance that I am blessed with.
Because every day I am a little more centered and grounded in my Self, a little wiser, and a little more aware than I was the day before.
In the past, when I have said "I feel good," it has usually been because I was eating a 100% raw vegan diet and had lost a lot of weight, or was feeling really high/excited/manic about some huge idea that I had or about project that I was working on. And while these are a fine reasons to feel good, there is something so much more deeply satisfying about the kind of "good" I am feeling now because it is solid. It doesn't go up and down like a rollercoaster, depending on how I feel. It isn't subject to moods and emotions. The kind of "good" I am feeling now is because of the solid foundation that I have been building for myself, slowly, patiently, brick by brick, from the ground up.
I add a brick every time I consult my Self when making choices, rather than consulting someone who I consider wiser, smarter, more enlightened, etc. When I sit with my Self, and ask my Self what I really need, what is the most beneficial for my Path and my Highest Good, I find out the truth. And I add a brick. I am my own guru. I am my only guru.
I add a brick every time I act with integrity. I add a brick every time I act in alignment with my principles, every time I arrive somewhere on time, every time I do what I said I was going to do.
I add a brick every time I honor what I really need, even when I am tempted to do something that appears more fun on the surface level. There are so many fun events going on in Fairfield - parties, live music, Artwalks, raw food potlucks, etc. And every time I choose to stay in and take care of myself when that is what I am needing more than I am needing to go out and be social, I add a brick.
I add a brick every time I nourish and nurture myself. I do this when I go for a walk, do my hatha yoga practice, write in my journal, choose to feel my emotions rather than avoid them, take myself to the sauna, receive a massage, or eat or drink something nourishing.
I add a brick every time I close my eyes to meditate. I have been practicing Transcendental Meditation for four months now, 20 minutes, twice a day. And in those four months I have only missed two meditations because I value this time that I spend with my Self. Every time I prioritize the time to sit and connect with my deepest Self, I add a brick.
I am feeling good now even though I am not not as thin as I once was, and even though I am not flying high on emotions. I intend to start eating more raw food in the near future because I know it is better for my health, and I know that my emotions will go up and down and up and down, but I also know that this is not the foundation. Even when I gain weight, or feel sad or angry or uninspired, this deep connection with Self remains.
And with this solid foundation I will always have something to stand on.