Tripping Over Joy

What is the difference
Between your experience of Existence
And that of a saint?
The saint knows
That the spiritual path
Is a sublime chess game with God
And that the Beloved
Has just made such a Fantastic Move
That the saint is now continually
Tripping over Joy
And bursting out in Laughter
And saying, “I Surrender!”
Whereas, my dear,
I am afraid you still think
You have a thousand serious moves.

-Hafiz

Subtle Surrender

Surrender is soft and subtle. True power is too. Illusion & Babylon, Maya & Kali Yuga would have me believe that power is forceful & masculine, pushing & fighting, brut strength & anger.

But I know that my femininity is powerful in a much more righteous way.

I must choose wisely & well.

Impeccable integrity is my foundation, a sturdy place to stand tall & strong, knowing deep peace in my heart because of the goodness that I am, the goodness I create, and the goodness all around me.

Prism

Sublime heights

Starry skies

Dream of you, Love

Your endless eyes

Deepest depths

Inner knowing

I find me here now

My light is glowing

Boundless, timeless

The Self just is

Eternal and unchanging

I am that, I am this

Trees stand regally

Through the test of time

Stoically, bending gracefully

Not his, not hers, not yours, not mine

Surrender overtakes me

I relax, I melt, I disappear

Infinity engulfs my senses

And I’m neither there nor here

Light surrounds & fills me

Glowing, radiant, shining bright

I smile, blissful, I am me

The prism of colors merges into white

The Grace of God

Dear God,

I Love You.

My heart is so full of emotion, it feels achy and sometimes it feels so full, like it could explode. I realize that my sensitivity & my deep emotions are a blessing from You. And I recognize how amazingly blessed I am, in so many ways.

Please fill me with your grace, so that I may "step it up" a level, or a few levels, or a quantum leap, so that I may be the most fully capable I can be to do the work You sent me here to do.

My energy levels sky rocket & plunge, an emotional roller coaster ride that feels less than optimal. Please help me to level it out.

Please help me to be grounded & centered in my Self, empowered, graceful, gracious, and joyful.

Please let me be strong & courageous, feeling my emotions fully & deeply, trusting myself and You, and making good choices every step of the way.

Please help me to release my illusion of control & fully surrender to You.

Thank You, I Love You.
Thank You, I Love You.
Thank You, I Love You.

Amen.

Emerging

Bleary eyed uncertainty
In a space of unknowing
Relaxing into infinite possibility
As the wind outside is blowing

Listening, my mind's adrift
Here and there it wanders
Curious about what comes next
Feeling fuzzy, it ponders

A new level of trust is tested
As I lay here wondering what and why
Feeling the void, and opening to it
Allowing a part of me to die

It's clear that something new is emerging
And so I must wait for the dust to settle
Old patterns and habits no longer serve me
And I give up living life as a battle

Decisions make me, and abundance flows
Effortless grace all around me
Watching how easily a flower grows
Just like that, I allow life to live me

No longer a struggle, I finally let go
The reigns are not mine, never were
I give them back and I watch life flow
As I melt into soft, sweet surrender

Further!

"If you're not amazed by how naive you were yesterday,
you're standing still.

If you're not terrified of the next step,
your eyes are closed.

If you're standing still and your eyes are closed,
you're only dreaming you're awake.

A caged bird in a boundless sky."

-Jed McKenna

Never before has this quote by Jed McKenna rang truer for me. These past few days, weeks, months, years...I feel like I am accelerating faster and faster and faster. Like someone hit fast forward on the DVD player and the button is stuck now, so there is no way to slow it down again. But it's okay because it's intensely exciting, exhilarating, evolutionary...

The lessons I am learning are right in my face, everywhere I look, and the themes and patterns are impossible to miss. Surrender, empowerment, femininity, self-nurturing, balance...and my close women friends echo the same words, lessons, and themes.

It's time now to go through the issues, not around them.

It's time now to feel the emotions fully, and stop trying to avoid them.

It's time now to get into our bodies and do the work on this planet that we came here to do.

It's time now to dismantle the old patterns and burn them in the fire.

It's time now to let go, to relax, and to trust that we are fully supported. We always have been, and always will be.

It's time to make outrageous requests of the Universe, to commit to ourselves 110%, to have complete integrity with ourselves and others, and to be daring and bold.

Now the real fun begins...ready or not, it's time to go further and further and further!!!

Balancing Act

(This is my yoga teacher, Sri Dharma Mittra)

How can I be gentle with myself AND step outside of my comfort zone?

How can I feminine AND empowered?

How can I surrender AND act boldly?

How can I be easy with myself AND go to my edge?

How can I love what is AND desire to grow & evolve.

How can I be in the present moment AND plan for the future?

How can I be passionate AND unattached?

How can I be in my power AND vulnerable?

How can I be kind & sweet AND straightforward & honest?

How can I open my heart AND have boundaries?

How can I know if my intuition is telling me not to do something, and so I shouldn't, or if my fear is coming up, so I should push through it to grow?

How can I balance all of this?

Surrender

(This is me in Central Park in New York City.)

Today I did a rebirthing session and oh wow, was it intense. I haven't looked at my shadow stuff so deeply in a looong time and I didn't realize how much was still there.

I cried a lot, screamed, kicked, and released a lot of trauma from my birth experience.

I was feeling so much frustration because what I want more than anything is to be breathed. I am so sick of struggling with this damn illusion of being in control. It shows up so clearly in the breath - a perfect reflection, manifestation - so amazing.

And although I didn't experience what it feels like to be breathed, I did experience the deep pain that results from not letting go, and not surrendering. I felt it deeply, in every single one of my cells, and that in itself was profoundly healing.

Afterwards, Sue, the woman who facilitated my rebirthing, told me that I didn't go to my edge with my breathing. She said that I just hid out in my comfort zone. When she said this, I thought, "I'm a coward." I thought that I didn't perform well enough, that I didn't measure up to her other rebirthing clients.

I felt so naked, like she could see everything about my soul, and I felt ashamed of my wounds, my shadows, my weaknesses.

Right away, there was a tendency to think that I shouldn't be like this, that something is wrong with me, that I am not as empowered and amazing and highly evolved as Sue is.

But I am how I am, right here & now in this moment. And I may as well embrace it, be kind to myself, and love who I am, just the way I am.

Surrender is the key that unlocks it all. Laying down in the arms of God, trusting that I am always cared for, nurtured, nourished, and protected in this eternal present moment, this incredible, unending now.

Please God, fill me with your grace, so that I may let go and know true surrender. For it is only by surrendering that I shall know true selflessness, true service, and true Love.

Help me to see that all of the answers are within me.

Help me to trust myself fully, completely.

Help me to be strong, courageous, and empowered.

Grant me the courage & wisdom that I need to feel my emotions deeply.

Grant me the serenity to see clearly & to act lovingly.

Show me what You want me to do & say in each moment,
so that my words & actions may always serve the highest Good.

Thank You, I Love You.

Amen.

Letting Go

I am walking through a thick fog in a dark murky forest at dusk. As desperately as I want to maintain control of the situation, I can't see more than a few inches from the tip of my nose, so all I can do is shuffle along, hoping for the best. I am so worried that I will suddenly reach the end of the world without knowing it, and down I'll fall. Into the scariest place of all - the unknown, the darkness, the void.

The forest is full of strange noises and my imagination runs wild. Something tells me that the end of the world is just beside me, that I am walking along its edge as I make my way through the dark forest. And I wonder if the void is as scary and I think it is. I wonder if maybe I could finally get to know my Self in this frightening emptiness. And I wonder if perhaps the only way to find out what this life is all about is to turn my back to the darkness, open my arms to the sky, and allow myself to fall backwards into it.

The Garden

There is a doorway to a wonderful place. A place of deep peace, deep contentment, and deep inner knowing.

And it is such an incredible journey which leads to this place. It is a journey of intense emotions, constant change, moment after moment filled with infinity, the sacred & the profane, expansion & contraction, duality & paradox, ecstasy & hell, comedy & tragedy, gratitude & regret, fear & trust, frustration & release, exertion & relaxation, forgiveness & resentment, excitement & disillusionment, agony & bliss, awe & contempt, wonder & despair, passion & apathy, confusion & clarity.

And when a person can sit in one of these incredible, dynamic spaces, filled with the ever-changing energies, tumultuous and flowing, and just BE - surrender, let go, and relax into the Infinite - this is when one connects with the Self, is filled with the light of his or her True Nature, and steps effortlessly through the doorway and into the garden of infinite potential.

Prayer

Today I finished reading "The Gift of Change" by Marianne Williamson, and I am grateful to her for reminding me of the importance of asking for divine guidance and grace. This is different than what I have been practicing for the past few years, which has been more of an intention-setting practice. And this practice has been far from regular. A list of new moon intentions here and there, but nothing consistent. And we all know that consistency is the key.

I have had a sneaking suspicion for quite some time that it was not quite so simple as to think that I could just list what I want on a piece of paper, and expect to receive it. Even if this list was accompanied by visualizations and strong emotions. Because how could I expect (with my limited view, as opposed to the omniscience of God) to know what was best for me? Who am I to think I know what I need? Is it really in my by best interest to "manifest" one million dollars by the end of the month? Or would it just spoil me and keep me from doing some higher work that I have been born here on Earth to do?

I don't know. Or purport to know. However, God does. And so it seems like it might be more beneficial to ask God to give me the courage, strength, clarity, and wisdom that I need to navigate through life in the best way possible, for the Highest Good of all.

I intend from this day forward that I am in constant communication with God. No more calling on the Divine only in challenging times, when I am desperate need of help. From now on, I keep my mind on God as much as I possibly can. I remember that I am God's child and nothing that I do can change that.

I take responsibility for my mistakes, I ask for forgiveness, and I receive it. When I find myself in a state of judgment, I ask God to help me forgive myself, and anyone else who I am judging.

I bring the Love of God everywhere I go, and in doing so, I bless all things.

I kneel and kiss the ground daily.

I give thanks for my unending list of blessings. I pay more attention to the things that I have previously taken for granted, and I feel profound gratitude for it all.

I pray to be a flowing channel of God's grace, constantly remembering that the glory is God's.

May I be used in service to the Highest Good, to God's divine plan. May I surrender to this higher purpose, and be guided to the work that I am here to do.

I am open, I am ready. God, please show me the way.