Wednesday, November 12, 2008


I am reading "Anastasia", the first book in The Ringing Cedar Series, and it is so much fun to live in her fantasy while I am reading it, but the moment I put the book down and look around me at the reality in which I live, I feel downright depressed.

Oh, how I yearn to prance daintily and blithely through the forest, without a care in the world, knowing that the abundance of the universe will never run out, and that I will always have everything I need.

In this fantasy, magic is everywhere, and so obvious and wondrous to behold.

I imagine running though the forest, with utmost ease and grace, with butterflies and breezes tickling my nose, and fairies blessing my every move.

I dream of living harmoniously with Nature, in the truest, purest sense. To sleep in the arms of the Mother, lovingly resting my head in her soft grasses, as the luminous heavenly bodies sprinkle stardust and starlight upon my sleeping body.

And to awake to rays of sunshine dancing upon the sparkling, pristine waters of the rivers and lakes that have not yet been touched by man. This is where I spend my days swimming, dancing, singing, praying, and rejoicing in the goodness of God's Creation.

I long to eat the nourishing food that the Earth provides, just as she provides it, in its pure form, without the temptations of the many processed foods that I am bombarded with everyday.

I want to leave behind all these pressures to succeed and to "be somebody" and to earn a living and be a productive member of society.

I yearn for all of these things, and yet, here I sit, at my computer, connecting with people in such an artificial way. Blogs, Facebook, MySpace...such superficial ways of connecting. I am starved for human touch, as I sit here at the computer, reading the words of other human beings, but not sharing space with them.

So maybe I should just go live in the forest somewhere. I'm sure there is an intentional community somewhere where I could go live close to the Earth. But there is a part of me that will never be satisfied with a simple life like that.

I have grown to love airplanes, although perhaps if I lived a simpler life, I would have more time to practice astral travel. I have grown to love eating exotic foods that come from far away, although perhaps if I grew my own food, those desires would just melt away. I grown to love the Internet, although it's just a manifestation of the interconnectedness that already exists between all people.

This "progress" of the industrial age and now the information age does not seem like progress to me. It seems primitive at best, and pales in comparison with the infinite, innate, divine qualities and abilities that humans had before we forgot that we had them. Part of me remembers these qualities. Part of me still possesses some of them. And tears run down my face as I contemplate what we have lost in the name of "progress."

Oh, it is a sad state that we live in - being a modern day human being. Or maybe not. It's all a matter of perspective.

But the way that I am seeing it right now, I feel very, very, very far from home, and I see no possible way of returning to the simple life that my ancestors enjoyed. And it feels very, very sad.

"How happy is the little stone
that rambles in the road alone
and doesn't care about careers
and exigencies never fears
whose coat of elemental brown
a passing universe put on
and independent as the sun
associates or glows alone
fulfilling absolute decree
in casual simplicity."
-Emily Dickinson


Emily said...

I believe we will find it....a way to live in harmony and in balance with nature...without necessarily giving up everything, but likewise, live without doing harm....I think that those "Earthships", for example- are a brilliant idea.

Anonymous said...

This is so funny.
My name is Erin as well.
I felt very depressed today and decided to look for Anastasia on the internet. Just in the hope to find some new.. motivation.. inspiration or hope. I lost touch with this type of spirituality or truth.

And here.. the first thing I find.. is written by someone.. 'somewhere' with my name. And she is expressing 'exactly' what I feel.
I cannot believe it!
You feel what I feel.