Rebirth

Today is a particularly potent day in the life. At the moment I am sitting at Whole Foods, feeling safe and grateful. I just narrowly escaped a tree falling on my car during a wild thunderstorm here in Washington, D.C.

The day began by moving most of my things into storage in the basement of the house I have been living in in Takoma Park, Maryland for the past five month. It’s been so very lovely to share this house with some wonderful people, and I have grown to really love Maryland and the D.C. metro area. I feel glad to be here, and there are so many wonderful people here who I now call friends.

After I put my boxes in the basement, I loaded up my car with the things that I anticipate wanting to have with me during the month of July, and I left the house feeling extremely somber and apprehensive, tender and vulnerable.

What does the future hold? We never can really know. And yet, some things are more predictable, dependable, stable, and secure than others. If I am paying rent to live somewhere, there is a much higher chance that my place to live is stable, secure. No longer am I in this situation. I have again taken a giant leap of faith and now find myself blowing with the wind in this magnificent, magical Universe.

After I left the house, I parked my car a few blocks away and walked down to the creek that I love so much. Nearly every day, I wake up and walk along Sligo Creek. I have enjoyed so many hours writing and meditating, phone conversations, walks with friends, and walks in solitude along this gorgeous area of Takoma Park. And today I bid her farewell. For now. I sat on a rock along the creek and I cried. Deep sadness washed over me. I felt very, very alone in a very big world.

In one hand I held a leaf, and in the other a piece of wood. Both pieces were from dear friends on whom I have leaned upon this past month as I have walked this transitional transformational path. These sisters have been rocks of support as I made the decision to leave the house I was living in and to trust that I will continue to be cared for as I walk in the metaphorical darkness.

And in this moment it was time to release these pieces back into their natural setting. I released them to affirm my existence as a sovereign being here on the Earth. I am so grateful for my friends and family. And for all the forces of Nature that support me as I walk this long, beautiful road, as I journey from place to place, following my heart and intuition, even when the logical part of me would rather I live a more conventional life.

And yet, a sovereign being I am, and this is a very empowering piece of truth to affirm, especially as I am finding myself once again “on The Road.” The Road is a very familiar place to me, and it’s also a place that I had not anticipated revisiting so soon.

After my most recent chapter of gypsy living, I was exhausted and desperate to get “off The Road.” Please God, please let me live somewhere, let me have a normal life with a home and a community and steady work.

And I had it. For one fleeting moment, it feels. And here I am again, my car is full of my possessions, and tonight I will sleep at my friends’ house in Bethesda, Maryland. I am so blessed to have such wonderful, loving, supportive friends. So very blessed.

So I sit here feeling incredibly vulnerable. I have set my intentions time and time again, writing them down and speaking them aloud. I feel in my heart that God hears me when I pray, that the Universe supports me in manifesting my desires, that Nature is organizing something magnificent on my behalf and on the behalf of the Whole.

So just be patient, Erin, I have told myself time and time again. Trust. Allow life to unfold in all its stunning perfection, it’s divine design, its cosmically magical alignment.

And yet, there is a part of me that is trembling. “This is not what I want!” part of me is crying. I want a home, a community, a stable life! I want to know where I will sleep, work, record my music, be with my friends. I want to know that I am safe and secure and protected.

The truth is that I AM safe and secure and protected. In each and every moment, life is exactly as it should be. This is absolute truth, and yet there is a part of me that feels confused.

And then there is a part of me that is remembering that I chose this. I asked for a magnificent life, and this is what I am creating with each and every breath.

I saw Woody Allen’s new film “Midnight in Paris” the other night and it really touched my heart. I saw these fabulous artists, writers, and musicians from the 1920’s hanging out at Gertrude Stein’s house in Paris, and it stirred something in my heart.

I want to live in a community of artists like this. I want to have friends around me with whom I am creating and recording music, with whom I am working with on lots of different co-creative collaborative projects. My desire is to create art, beauty, events, and music to uplift, inspire, heal, and connect people with their innermost Selves.

I have so many ideas, dreams, inspired aspirations. I am here to raise the vibration here on the Earth. I am here to dream a more and more beautiful world into being. I am here to express and create and dance and sing and live life as the celebration that it is. I am here to radiate joy and shine my light and sing my heart’s song.

I lay down my life on the sacred altar before God, and ask that I be used as a divine vessel of grace, inspiration, Love, and pure joy.

And I ask that the support organize itself around me, so that I can work in the way that I love to work, so that I can sing and feel grounded and supported in a beautiful, loving, creative community of like-hearted souls.

This is what I am creating.

I will be staying with my friends in Bethesda for a few nights, and after this I know not where I will go. I know not how the Universe will enfold me in Her warm and loving arms. I have leapt and I will be caught. I already AM caught, and I stay grounded in this truth as I stay grounded in the present moment of Now.

A great story is being written; I am entering a dramatically more epic and beautiful chapter than I can even imagine.

I love living in the D.C. area, and I am also completely open to relocating again. I am a free bird, ready to go wherever the divine flow carries me. I am moving into a beautiful new space, perhaps a house sitting opportunity which will give me some time to work on my creative projects. This part of the story is yet to be written.

I am open and I am ready. We are living in extraordinarily times here on Planet Earth. It’s 2011 and so much is changing so quickly. We are accelerating into a New Paradigm in which Love and Truth regain their rightful place as the main focus of our attention. And I am here to be a part of it. I am here to sing my song, to play my note, to share my heart and gifts with the world in the way that only I can.

I have been cleared for takeoff, and all of last month I was speeding down the runway. I now take flight, and I am grateful for the prayers and blessings and grace and miracles that fill my heart and my life.

Thank you for being a part of this journey. I am here to reflect back to you your own divine purpose, and your own beauty and light.

Can you see it?

It’s so, so beautiful.

25 Things About Me

This was a recent "game" going around on Facebook.

If you'd love to share your 25 things, please post them as a comment to this post!!!

Here are my 25 things:

1. There are currently 2275 people in my Microsoft Outlook contacts.
2. I cry often.
3. I feel deeply, and I am learning to appreciate this exquisite gift.
4. I love the beautiful peace lily that I have in my dorm room.
5. I love Facebook.
6. Singing brings me more joy than just about anything else I can think of.
7. I am constantly amazed by both the similarities and eccentricities of people.
8. Traveling is a state of mind for me, and has taught me most of what I know.
9. I prefer to spend most of my time with other women.
10. I experience every day is an epic adventure.
11. Every day, I trust myself a little more fully, and that is one of the most exciting things I can think of.
12. I love writing my blog. http://erinpillman.blogspot.com
13. I am learning to listen to my heart more and my head less.
14. My heart is tender and sensitive, and I cannot remember a moment in my life when it did not ache.
15. I have had to edit #1 about five times since I started writing this because the number keeps getting bigger.
16. Raw chocolate, avocados, berries, and coconuts, are some of my favorite foods.
17. Practicing Yoga with my teacher Dharma Mittra while eating a 99% raw vegan diet in 2006 in New York City transformed my being more quickly and profoundly than anything else I have done.
18. I yearn for so many things – complete union with the divine, fulfilling livelihood, a sense of purpose, a close circle of women friends, singing in front of large audiences, feeling fully supported and empowered, a deeper connection with Nature, growing my own food, living in a place where I feel that I truly belong, living more simply…
19. I’m constantly alarmed by all the plastic I see everywhere.
20. I wonder if our species will die out because we are acting like such idiots.
21. I don’t know where I want to live, or if I want to be in school next semester (which starts in a week), but I’m only mildly concerned.
22. I am in the process of recording a children’s album with Lynwood King, the dean of my university.
23. I am a certified yoga instructor, but I have not taught yoga in a couple of years.
24. I want to start singing and sharing my own music – be the star of my own show – touch people’s hearts – inspire and uplift audiences – bare my soul on stage.
25. I am really glad that I am me.

Vision

(I took this photo of myself on the Caribbean island, "Little Corn," in Nicaragua.)

Last night I made a commitment to myself and my friend Mark that I am going to spend 20 minutes each day visualizing what I want.

Tonight was the first night of my new practice. I was in the meditation hall, and after I finished my TM practice, I began to visualize what I really want.

First, I saw myself standing at the edge of a steep cliff. I turned my back to the abyss, outstretched my arms, looked up to the heavens, and allowed myself to fall backwards, surrendering everything to God. "Please fill me with Your grace, so that I may do Your work." As I began to fall back, I suddenly began to flap my wings...I was flying! I didn't find out that I had wings until I took the risk and let go, giving up my illusion of control.

Then I visualized the lifestyle that I want. I imagined myself at my house on the beach somewhere in the Caribbean, practicing yoga on the beach with friends, picking young coconuts and drinking the coconut water, writing, reading, laughing, and feeling light as a feather. I was thin and lean and strong and grounded and felt so healthy and comfortable in my body.

I imagined myself driving through the green hills in southern Italy in a little red convertible with my friend Jenna, laughing with awe at our good fortune. We ate fresh, dark red, juicy tomatoes, basil, and fresh mozzarella.

I saw myself recording music with so many of my friends, like Jenna and Ferenz and Deborah and Sarah and Micah and Amine. I had recorded countless albums in my visions, each one exquisitely beautiful and full of love and light.

I saw myself traveling all over the world, meeting friends in places like Paris, London, and San Francisco for tea at beautiful little coffee shops.

All of my friends and I had more money than we could ever know what to do with, and we were free to create, travel, eat well, and do all the things that bring us so much joy.

I had bought the apartment that I used to live in in the East Village in New York City. I tossed my keys onto the counter after a yoga class at Dharma Mittra's yoga studio, feeling happy, relaxed, and vibrantly alive and healthy.

Then I saw myself sitting in the airport, waiting for a flight, holding my husband's hand. We were deeply in love and blissfully happy to be together.

I was driving in the four-door black Mercedes sedan that I have always wanted, and then I was riding in it and my husband was driving. I squeezed his hand, took an enormous, effortlessly deep breath into my wonderfully open heart, and felt it swell with love for him, for myself, and for everything and everyone.

At the end of my vision, I noticed that my feet were in the dirt in a beautiful garden. I had a freshly picked, juicy red tomato in my hand and I took a bite. I looked up and saw that my mom was there with me. We plopped down and sat in the dirt, both laughing gleefully.

My eyes filled with tears of gratitude for the love and gratitude that I felt in my heart. I felt connected to everything and everyone, everywhere.

I opened my eyes and realized that I was still in the meditation hall at MUM, and the 20 minutes was over. As I was leaving the meditation hall, the woman working asked me, "Did you have a nice meditation?" Never before has anyone asked me that. I smiled like I knew a secret that she didn't and replied cheerfully and firmly, "Yes."

Travel Prayer

Thank you God for all of my wonderful travel experiences. I am so blessed to have experienced so much at such a young age.

Please God, I want to continue traveling. If it's in accordance with your divine plan, please send the support of Nature to make this possible. There's absolutely no reason to feel anxious in any way because I know that You always have my Highest Good in mind and I know that I will be guided by You in each moment, with every breath. Thank You, Amen.

Love,
Erin